I would like to know in what order I should have the following in my wedding ceremony: reading of a poem by a friend, a song by groom to bride, a poem by bride to groom, lighting of candles: stepmother to light votive candle, my mother and mother in law to light taper candles, and then groom and bride to light unity candle. And how many songs should I have prior to the exchange of vows?

It really is your choice on what you would like in your ceremony. I've seen many different orders of ceremony, some with several solos before the exchange of vows, some with one before and one after, etc. The unity candle is always done after the vow exchange. Probably readings/poems would also be done before. In EZ Wedding Planner (Plan/Great Ideas) there are lots of topics relating to ceremony including samples. There is a sample order of service in Ceremony Programs that will give you some ideas.