I want to plan the ceremony to include my children, I have 2 ages 10 and 8. We will be getting Barry a triple band interlocking ring and we would all like to pledge to him on our day. I was wondering if you have any suggestions about how to proceed with this idea.....such as our own vows, unique ceremony ideas and anything that would make the ceremony special for all four of us, not just for Barry and I....as we are committing to becoming a family. Thank you so much for any help you may offer.

 Feel free to write your own vows (check with the officiant for any restrictions). You could say "with this ring we thee wed, instead of I thee wed" or "as a token of my and my children's love for your" After the vows to you, Barry could include vows to your children like "I Barry, take you Susie and Mark to be my new children, I promise to... etc." Or, your children could say "I Susie take Barry to be my new step-father (or father, depending on your circumstance), or my new parent" and then the same for Mark. They could say how they feel and promise to help to work on a happy, united family.

Perhaps in lighting the unity candle, you could have four small candles and all of you together light the single unity candle, symbolizing the joining of all of you as a family. Or your children could each light a side candle and then you and Barry could use those candles to light the center unity candle.

Some couples are using a sand ceremony as an alternative to the traditional unity candle ceremony at a wedding. Three nesting glass vases are used. This sand ceremony is popular with blended families. Children may help the parents pour from their vase, or using some additional mini nesting vases with different colored sand, the children can pour into the larger vase. It works for any number and age of children. Colored sand can be found in craft stores or even fish stores and any size/shape of vase may be used. This is a delightful expression of the unity of the families. Following the wedding, the outer vases may be used for flowers, while the center vase remains with the unity sand as a lovely display in your home.

Your children could write their thoughts and read them during the ceremony. They could also be junior attendants and stand up front with both of you.

Your children could walk you down the aisle.

They could hand out the programs. Their names can be included in the program with special thoughts on joining the family together. J

Your vows to each other might be followed by a family prayer, with each person in the family adding a phrase. Or the children could say a prayer together.

You could give your children each a family medallion (with three raised interlocking circles hung on a chain), an engraved locket or other jewelry, or some other gift at the altar as part of the ceremony. Or, your children could give Barry some special small gift they have picked out or made for him.

The children can sit at the bridal table at the reception.