Bridal Gift Registry, Gifts Received and Given

The bridal gift registry is a free service offered by department and specialty stores that gives you the opportunity to list the items you really need and want. It makes it easier for your guests to select a gift because they know that their choice is something you really want. You will also avoid getting gifts that are not compatible with your life-style and also avoid getting duplicates that will have to be exchanged. You should register at your favorite shops soon after you become engaged. This will be helpful to guests that will be invited to your engagement parties or showers. Be sure to let your registry places know when you receive an item, so they can take it off your list to avoid duplicates.

You can list places you are registered in shower invitations, but should never include this in wedding invitations.

Do some homework ahead of time when choosing your items for your new home. Choose these things together with your fiancé, since both of you will be sharing them. Look through magazines, newspapers, stores, etc. to decide what patterns and styles you like. Then visit your bridal gift registrar who will be able to help you with any questions you may have about coordinating all the elements that go into furnishing and accessorizing your new home. Most stores still require you to go there and use their scanners, etc. to select the gifts you want, although more and more are automating to Internet. Most large stores allow guests to pull up your registry from Internet and make purchases and have them sent directly to you. Or they will fax your gift list to guests who ask, who can then purchase by phone or fax.

Linens

Before you register your pattern and requirements of your furniture for bedroom and dining room linen it is wise to know dimensions. Is your bed double, queen, or king-size? Is your dining room table rectangular, square, or round? What does it measure at its smallest dimension, and what does it measure when all the leaves are added?

Remarriage

If this is a remarriage, or you both already have all the essentials, consider registering at specialty stores (like sporting goods, antique stores, wine or gourmet shops, etc.) Or, you could decide on a new china pattern and start fresh. Everyone can use some fun small, state-of-the-art kitchen gadgets or specialty gardening tools, some new towels, etc. Some people may not send gifts for a remarriage (depending on circumstances), but many will.

Want Money?

What if you don't want to register for wedding gifts, but would rather have money? Is there a tactful way to do that? No, there just isn't a way to request money with out being tacky. If guests ask what you would like, you can drop hints, but cannot directly tell them what to give. Hints that cash would be preferred always start with, "We really have all the household things we need, and we're just happy to have you included in our celebration… but, we're saving up for…" Guests who are comfortable giving money as a gift will figure out that a contribution to your savings project is really what you would like. Some guests simply never give cash! So you should always give a real project that you are saving for, like your honeymoon trip, in case a guest decides to get you something you can use when you finally spend the savings on the stated project. It may be easier for your family to pass on the word that what you really want is money, however they can use the same tact of "saving up for" and should not directly request money.

Gift Display Tips

Thank You Notes

The most important thing about thank you notes for gifts you receive is to do them promptly. A thank you for gifts received before the wedding should be send within two weeks (which also includes engagement and shower gifts). Guests who bring gifts to the wedding should receive thank you notes within a month of returning from your honeymoon, and gifts received after that within a month of receiving them. You can write one note for gifts received from a large group, but be sure to verbally thank the individuals as you see them next. Notes should be hand-written and include the name or type of the gift given, how you will use it and then some personal note about them at your wedding or your relationship to the giver.

If you receive money, state how you plan to use it. If you don't know what the gift is, describe it "Thank you for the beautiful wooden sculpture. What a unique design. We will always think of you when looking at it." If you don't like the gift, you should still say something positive about it (even if you plan to return it) "Peter and I would like to thank you for the large green ashtray. It is an interesting piece of pottery and will be a great conversation piece for our guests who smoke."

Traditionally, the one who writes the note signs it, but you should mention your spouse in the body of the message. The groom can write thank you notes to his relatives and friends and the bride hers. This will make it go faster and you each can easily write personal comments in the thank you notes for the people you are most familiar with.

Gifts You Give to Wedding Participants

Gifts for Each Other: Besides the obvious engagement and wedding rings, other gifts from groom to bride and bride to groom often include, engraved wristwatch, pocket watch, pearls, gold bracelet, necklace or earrings, locket, cuff links, jewelry box, money clip, two champagne flutes, a scrapbook filled with relationship and courtship mementos and photos, a love poem, a favorite book personally inscribed, personalized stationery, wallet, camera, leather passport holders, luggage, monogrammed handkerchief, or a music box. Some untraditional gifts can include season tickets to a favorite sporting event or to the theater or concerts, health club membership, sports equipment like skis or bicycle, etc. Or, for your house/apartment, perhaps a special wall hanging or unique piece of furniture. Some people give a tree sapling, to plant in your new home together or some other meaningful place (traditional in Bermuda and the Netherlands).

Gifts for Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids: You can give all the attendants the same gift, like cologne or jewelry (necklace, bracelet or earrings) that they can wear with their bridesmaids' dresses. Or, you can give them something that has special meaning to each one (pictures, special jewelry, art objects, crystal, desk accessories, bud vases, silver-plated, glass or leather picture frames, hair accessories, music boxes, business card holder, etc.) Some other ideas are gift certificates, tickets to a concert, play, comedy club or sporting event, membership to a club, health spa, certificates for a massage, facial, manicure, pedicure, etc. Your maid of honor usually receives something of a little more value than the other bridesmaids' gifts. Your budget may help determine how extreme your gifts become. These gifts are simply meant as a token of thanks and memento and do not need to be elaborate or expensive if you do not have a large amount of money to spend.

Gifts for Best Man and Groomsmen: It's traditional to provide identical items to each, however the best man gets something extra special. And a ring bearer might need something less sophisticated than the other men. Some suggestions include: cuff links, tie clip or tac, desk accessories or name plate, leather or gold engraved business card holders, pen/pencil sets, letter opener, key ring, engraved picture frames, beer mugs, shot glasses, money clips, belt or wallet, etc. Or, things they can use up but are fun like: sports or concert tickets, restaurant gift certificates, movie theater or video rental certificates.

Gifts for Ushers Who are Not Groomsmen: Some people have the groomsmen also usher people into the church, in which case the above ideas apply. Some people have separate ushers whose only job is to usher people into/out of the church and are not also groomsmen. They should also be given some token gift which can be smaller/less expensive than the groomsmen gifts if you like. Some of the above may apply, or perhaps cigars if they are smokers, perhaps a framed picture of the wedding party with them in it, or if nothing else, a boutonniere for their lapel and a thank you card later expressing your gratitude.

Gifts for Parents and/or Party Hosts/Hostesses: Flowers are always nice, as are fruit or cheese baskets, plants, candles and wine or champagne (with engraved glasses). Picture frames with wedding photos, framed invitations, leather bound picture albums, a clock, statue or porcelain art objects, or something engraved work well as thank-you gifts. For more feminine or masculine presents, consider perfume, cuff links, beer mugs, flasks, or something you know they will like, such as a collectable item. Of course, a personal thank you note should be included with any of these gifts.